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Monday, July 4, 2016

My thoughts on's exhausting!

'Shaming' ....a person or thing that causes shame or disgrace.

Is it just me, or is it that everytime I open a Facebook or a social media article, we are talking about some sort of shaming. Body shaming, parent shaming, and the list goes on way too long for me to mention them all.
All this talk about shaming is frankly very exhausting. Do I believe in shaming people myself? Hell no, I do my best to mind my own business and stand up for the underdogs, but of course I have done it, be it under my breath or a whisper to my girlfriend. Like the everyday pressures of raising children were not enough already.

Not sure what I mean?
Breast is best vs. Formula fed
Organic vs. Non organic shoppers
Cloth diapers vs. Disposable
C-section vs. Vaginal delivery
Stroller vs baby carrier which leads to Tula vs. Everything else
Daycare vs. Preschool
Co sleep vs. Cribs
Private vs public school
Screen time vs no screen time
Just to name a few...

And they wonder why mother's have anxiety. It's not anxiety from raising your children. It's anxiety from others watching you raise your children. This anxiety is causing segregation of mothers as well,  into groups that make similar choices, this way there is less judegement right? Well, this my friend is where the shaming begins, because if you put a group of parents together who have similar views, they obviously think their way is best, which leads to forming an opinion on parents doing it differently. I think what we are forgetting is that as a parent yes, normally choose how to raise your own child...until you don't.  It's not always a choice, the mother who wanted to breast feed and produced no milk, the mother who loves the environment but doesn't have a washing machine at home and therefore buys disposables, the mother who took 20 birthing classes and delivered via emergency c-section, the mother who has a bad back and doesn't use a carrier or who uses a carrier given to her and cannot afford a stroller, the mother who's child slept in a crib until the night the baby was sick and her baby slept with her from then on, the mother who chose public school because private school was not in the budget or the parent who put a movie on for a few hours for the kids because she had a migraine and needed a break. To those mothers I am you, we are all you! See, we all shame and judge ourselves daily which leads us to defend our choices and therefore shame others, or stand on our heads to try to fit into the other half!

So the way I see it, is the way to stop shaming others starts with not shaming ourselves. Shaming often starts with a lack in confidence in our own decisions or a fear of judgemental eyes, which makes us defend our choices by criticising the choices of others. If we stop judging ourselves, we won't be so concerned about what others are doing. Stand strong with your choices whether they are your first choice or not and remember, the simple fact that you have wasted hours worrying about whether you are making the right choices means you are a dedicated mother! You are keeping another human being alive and happy (maybe 2 or 3 or more), and that's a bug enough responsibility without having to worry about whether your bananas are organic or will your child get into university if they don't attend preschool at 2 instead of 3. Love your child and love yourselves and just enjoy your time with them,cause boy does time fly.

Oh, and guess what.. they won't remember. Cause I don't remember if I wore cloth diapers or was breast fed, I only know my mom loved me and fed me and kept me alive. So I am going to love my girls, keep them fed and alive and happy fun loving confident people. And hopefully, if I lead by example, they won't shame themselves when they grow up and become moms themselves.

So next time you are about to pass judgement on another parent, first stop and think, have you been in a similar situation? Because chances are you have, and chances are, if you haven't, you will be someday. As the old saying goes, united we stand and divided we fall. 

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